I think I’ve got brain freeze.
Which is rather odd as it is mid Summer.
Temperatures are soaring outside.
Inside my house it’s cool.
Inside my brain it’s… well, what is it like?
Hard to describe.
Overactively firing away short circuited lightbulb?
Merry go round on full speed with half a dozen songs playing simultaneously?
Tundra of dried up neurons and withered synapses?
*blowing away cobwebs*
*kicking own ass*
NO. it’s just that so much goes on in my brain.
Sometimes all kind of things going on all at the same time.
Thoughts. Opinions. Worries. Dreams. Ideas buzzing and bouncing of the walls of my skull.
Hopes. Insecurities. Mad visions. Weird dreams. (Don’t rule out the weird dreams…)
Visions of self suffience. Visions of just being able to have a paid job again.
Music. Soundbites. Films. Books. Animals. Truckloads of animals. Animals had, loved, gone, but never forgotten. And today another one was added. Schoep, the Schoepster. Twenty years old shepherd.
Yes, you are reading this right. TWENTY years old. Who spent his last years with this amazing human, John Unger, who cradled him in a lake to relieve his arthritis. Who cared for him till that day finally came. Run Free Schoep. Say hello to all my bridge babies for me.
Now we’re getting somewhere.
Thát’s where that merry go round inside my head is spinning about like crazy. Lost ones. A week from now, my beloved daddy, 27th of July it will be 3 years ago. My old shepherd mix Gaia, last October. Fae, my little fairy, who joined my dad November 3 years ago. Further back. Five members of my family in just one fateful year (2005): my cousin Tom, my auntie Mia, uncle Wout, uncle Jan and then just when we thought we’d seen enough deaths in the family, my auntie Annie, who was as close as a mother to me. My cousin Kelley, taken away far too young in an accident at just 33. My uncle Piet. My friend Hannie who just couldn’t take the merry go round inside hér head anymore. Nosey, our Scooby kittehkat. Midas. My beautiful canine soulmate. Kaa, my black crow. Okkie. My first own dog who stayed with me up to the age of 17. All those Scooby dogs. Triston, Osho, Patas, Orejas. Even further back, my mum, way back in 1995. And so many more…
Most days I’m doing fine and the lack of their physical presense is not as poignant as right now. That’s because I believe that one day we’ll meet again. Not on some cloudy meadow around a supreme being, but in the athmosphere around us. In the vibes that are in the air. In the wind, the dust, the grains of sands. In spirit. I really do believe that, even though some people’d say I’m bonkers. I think it is a wonderful idea. Whether you call it a Rainbow Bridge or eternal hunting grounds, it’s a reassuring feeling, trusting in having all those that are gone really still around you in some shape of form, with their energies. Call me a nutter but as I am typing this the sun just broke through the clouds again. Boy oh boy, that’s going to be one massive cuddlefest when I get there!
Until then I am going to follow up my own advice. ‘If all else fails, HUG THE DOG’.
Galgos, hairy scaries, cuddles coming your way!